Birds in the Dark

Through rainwater beaded windows, car headlights
sweep through the unlit living room, two blinks
of the turn signal, yellowing then unyellowing
the silver urn on my mantel, the solitary night spent,
the solitary night saved, like a young man brimming with strength
in a stone-framed monastery, like so many piggybank pennies
I grow up to find useless. If you spend the night watching
the night, it grows into something formless, hideous
then shrinks back into the fireplace den, shrinks
into a universe of its own, the unwashed dinner plate
orbiting motionless on the coffee table, preparing perhaps
to launch an offensive in the East, annexing the red stained wine glass,
or to crash against the wall at will: mine.
Isn't this the point of meditation, to be god of a moment?
To temporarily take hold of the reins even when you aren't sure
who are the horses? I will carry this darkness
with me in the morning, pass on its presence
and peace to the eyes that meet mine.
Outside: the storm's heart is illusive and beats
down on the pavement in moments we can't quite catch—
down 'til just before you think it might dawn
it's done, and the blacktop glistens rough in the streetlight.
Inside: I glisten rough in the dark.

1 Tbsp. Gravity, Heaping

What fiery force flung us here
through the holy doors of mothers?
My body showed up in the sand, at the shore
painted toward the earth, fading from the sun
as surf swallowed me in stages.
Is this the end of progress? Have we finally made it
to civilization's gory climax, rumbling chainsaws held high
above the trembling sense of plenitude and purpose?
The ceiling fan whirs without breaking the heat
and in her laced, barely-there black nightgown
nihilism keeps tempting and tempting again.
Is something really imperceptibly intended,
painted blue with fingertips, kindergarten morals
written underneath the river-hiss of tires on pavement,
smeared by the hand of an infant-god
invisibly behind the lines of divorce papers?
Is it here where the universe starts? Ends?
Can we ever name the night?
The sun still sets in Boston, out over a wide country
that someone somewhere will never see.
The moon shows us the sun,
the earth the moon. But if we spread our vision wide
to wrap around us like a quilt, will we stop our interminable turning away?
In the middle of an unoccupied Tuesday, walking along the river
I wake like a bird beneath the wide and cloudless stretch,
see nothing above but the brilliant blue burning
to be understood. Are you as it and I?
Have you feared the weightless void?
There is no rough beast slouching toward us,
no axiom to define the contours of your breath.
In the neon-glowed night, I float on my feet light as I was
in the billions of mornings before the earth turned.
Do you think we were not waiting then
as we are now, hungry for emotion and purpose?
The smallest speck of something is hurtling toward us
at tremendous speed it flies through the void
tearing through cosmos to be born as an orchid.
What is the smell of baked bread?
What is this fault-line in my chest?
Does the morning sun on white kitchen tiles
strum a 12-string guitar in your heart?
Can the trees in city sidewalk squares
grow indifferent to forests?
I want you to crash into my center
like a water-balloon filled with light,
like we've never ever been
hurt by anything before.

Sawgrass

I.

This endless errant idling assaults me.
I dream of a more purposed wandering:
Of weaving for years like a crumb bound ant on the kitchen floor,
Of cresting a mountain path, white dusted rocks, fine twill of snow
Without footprint, cold, clean air cutting into my lungs
And cut through by low sun over cliffs, I watch
Nightfall come like a lynx stalking forward through the wood,
Mountain shadows sliding up from the valley
Then swallowing back on themselves, breeding darkness, breeding
The litany of stars


II.

At the lakeshore, beneath the still water: smooth dark stones;
The bare branch framed moonlight of November,
Where white wolves snap their gaze to the crack of a branch,
The familiar haunt of dusk, coming quicker each evening;
Halt of treeleaf, growth of night, baritone whistle of wind
And a deepening dark through the white pines—
The unrecordable sound of eternity hums;

I watched the early autumn turn, the green leaves singed yellow at the edge
Frayed with fall, tired and wind-burnt after summer's spent;
I watched the wrens and warblers run, knifing through the sky, watched
When their darting paths curved downward through the chilling air,
Some internal compass swinging South.
And now in these colder moments I speak softly to their absence,
Barefoot atop the mud and crunch collage of brown and ruddied leaves,
Through the waking winter air I shape my words
As to a lover in the first morning windowlight;
Far in the forest, a Great White Owl opens
Her deep, dark eyes toward the brimming moon.



III.

I feel a soft and quiet pull within
As the flower of desire blooms in my heart,
As I burn to be brought back in new forms,
To reemerge in the Oak leaves' lines,
A resurgent rise like the humpback whale
Breaking the surface with its balletic body,
White misted spray of breath;
Or when birds break out of a tree all at once,
Flock of flight, flapping wings
Daring you to follow as they fly
To you, then overhead, beyond
The space where the forest opens like your hand
Into a plain of tall grass, golden rapeseed in brilliant bloom,
Out over amber sandstone crumbling cliffs,
Then down, diving inches from the cliff-face
To cut skyward above the canopy of leaves,
Disappearing into unbound sun.


IV.

In this spacious room of twilight
I walk quietly with my spirit, arms outstretched,
Touching my fingertips to the tops of the tall grass;
This is where the divine is hiding
As the tide hides in the waves,
As the moon hides in the tide;

This is where the fading last light preaches
Wordless, sermon of silence as the coming night
Vibrates harmonious around you, vibrates
Around the bend of a branch as a bird
Takes the air under her wings to arise;
Nothing that grows and dies is out of tune;
Nothing that arises from your heartbeats is profane;
Everything exists only in interrelation, everything depends on
This one blade of sawgrass, taller than the rest,
And the choice of the firefly who is hovering toward it,
About to alight

Adjusting Brakes

Old bike brake cable
thin cord of rusted metal
new auburn stained thumb.

ancillary inquiries

When I lean back and breathe in air
at midnight, why does it feel more real?

What is the Platonic antithesis
of this feeling of falling?

Did your peacock come with feathers
or was that just an afterthought?

When rain throws itself against a window
does it cringe before the crash?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Can I find a space in the bottomless ocean
where the abyss is seen not thought?

Where in the world did we get
this much color in our bones?

Will the reeds rustle as wildly
in a thousand years as today?

And if God is a summer's day
to whom do we turn in December?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Is there some heavenly calculus
for lightning seen and unseen?

Where do you find the thread
that stitches the hinges of knees?

Are we still slumbering upright?
Are at least the dragonflies awake?

Does surf slide across the sand in
night quiet as could be, or quieter?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

How does the layered sunrise
shoot through me like an arrow?

Why were these hieroglyphs written
so sharply in the sky?

Do the fractal stained window panes
show your faith like a mirror?

Or is there something else inside
that whispers like the wind of you?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If all the shades of blue
can't contain us, can the sun?

Do we disappear like sound
of the flint-flint-flint of a lighter

when the flame's finally sprung
for it's pure and passing purpose?

Now that we've been thrown here
when will we dance?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If I keep moving slowly through the wet grass
will my softly muddied feet feel free?

Who can make you feel young
after you've written a will?

And when the ink has dried does the paper desire
the tattoo of death written across it's face?

Could the end of something as true and
intangible as you really be forever?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Does the thunder make you hide
as the stars hide from the day?

And just what is the thunder,
this ocean of sudden sound

crashing over even skyscrapers
like a tsunami of the sky?

But when the storm breaks in half
like a cloud of red sea under sun,

do you wonder how many centuries are hidden
in the making of this moment?

No Clouds

The pure summer blue above
seems sometimes to stare right back,
one great concave eye over
creation; moments like this
are when I reach deeper down
with my small and callused hands
to grab hold of the thick woven rope
that binds me to the anchor inside
and pull it taut to tighten
both its grip and mine
on whatever weight I've got.
But as sweat beads on my brow
and I lean back to gain leverage
I turn and look over my shoulder to see
the three blind mice named id, ego, and
soul scurrying, scrambling for straws of experience,
using them with the delicacy of morning light
to weave my rope together.
There are tiny green strands of quiet moments
watching wildflowers bend shyly beneath the breeze,
thicker burgundy yarn of loud nights with red wine and revelry,
and all the faces of friends rolled into thread
in more colors than I could describe.
To watch them work is incredible,
these three fabled minions of mine,
squeaking like sonar, calling out coordinates
with bits of twine 'tween their teeth
in a twelve footed sightless waltz of creation.
They give me the sense of having endless allies
in this beautiful broken place I call home,
so I turn 'round and smile, lowering my anchor
hand over hand on my tight-woven rope, deeper
deeper down within me
into a warm and shapeless place
where there is no bottom.