Hot To Tell When The World's Ending

All of a sudden everyone on Earth
will forget how to bake cookies.
The Wal-Mart greeters will always be genuine,
that the chicken came first will be decided by committee,
and the new World Government will build golden idols
to Reason, for which Rousseau will write a posthumous letter
on liberty, pissing off Mill and Burke alike.
Sesame Street will be canceled,
the PTA disbanded,
and garlic will be wiped out worldwide by a rare mite
(riots, led by gourmands and Listerine stockholders alike, will ensue).
Will Shortz's bagel will slip from his grasp
as he stares in horror on a Sunday morning,
realizing that he's unintentionally crossed
falconer with gyre.
English will devolve into a series of guttural
literary references, script in txt msg shorthand,
French will devolve into English,
Spanish into a series of suggestive winks and nods.
Some asshole astronomer with no sense of boundaries
will name a new planet Krypton,
and Jim Lehrer will swear on air about how
"collateral damage" has come to suffice
for the cessation of souls.